


I Just Wanted To Tell You

by Current521



Category: Spies Are Forever - Talkfine/Tin Can Brothers
Genre: Angst, Ghosts, Goodbyes, M/M, ghost au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-21 09:27:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21072644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Current521/pseuds/Current521
Summary: Curt goes to the cemetery to talk to Owen.





	1. October 31st

**Author's Note:**

  * For [okemmelie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/okemmelie/gifts).

> Speedwrite challenge with my buddy Emmelie, go check out her work! It's gifted to her bc she's great.

Curt knelt down next to the grave. He brushed his hand over the inscription. Owen hadn’t had any family, so Curt had had him buried, and had paid for the headstone. Just his name and a quote; he hadn’t put dates down; he didn’t want to confront the fact that he should write 1961 and not 1957, and he didn't want to remember when he came there. He came fairly often.

“Hey Owen.” He patted the headstone. “I’ve missed you, you know. Not just while I thought you were dead, but… While you really were. I know we didn’t see eye to eye at the end, but…”   
“Didn’t see eye to eye?” The voice came from above; Curt looked up and saw… Owen. “Curt, love, I’d say ‘not seeing eye to eye’ is the understatement of the decade.” He was perched on top of the headstone, looking much as he did when he’d died.

“You’re dead.” Curt shook his head. “I’m sure this time; I buried you.”

“Yes, about that.” The man who was not Owen — who couldn’t be Owen — hopped off the headstone and kneeled next to Curt. “You killed me.”   
“You were going to kill me.” Curt could hear how flat his voice was; he was refusing to process. Owen wasn't there, couldn’t be there.

Owen — the man who wasn’t Owen — shook his head. “Oh Curt, you still don’t get it.” He laughed, and Curt was sure it was him, however impossible it seemed. “I wasn’t going to kill you; it didn’t serve any purpose. I just needed to stall you.”

“Was there actually another facility.”   
“No.” Owen looked up at the belfry. “I don’t have much time. Who goes to a cemetery on Halloween anyway?”

Curt shrugged. “I didn’t think about that. What do you mean, not much time? What’s happening?”

“Catch up, Curt.” Owen smiled a little, almost flirtatious; Curt wasn’t expecting that, not after how their last interaction went. It only made him think it wasn’t Owen, after all. “I’m a ghost.”

“Ghosts aren’t real.” Curt reached out to grab Owen’s arm — and passed straight through. “How are you doing that? What are you? Who are you?” He stood up and looked out across the cemetery. “Who’s doing this?”

“Curt.” Owen stood up as well. “Spring, 1956. We were working in Berlin. It was the fastest we’ve ever gotten out after a job gone wrong — the fastest anyone has. Six minutes. It’s still our record.”   
“That’s easy to know.” Curt took a step back from… He refused to think ‘the ghost’ and he refused to think ‘Owen’. The man.

“It is.” The man nodded slowly. “But do you remember that we couldn’t get any flights home after that, so we had to book a hotel. And you snuck into my room that night, didn’t tell me you were coming, either, so I was already asleep. You woke me up nicely, though; and you called me ‘dearest’. It’s the only time you’ve ever used a pet name for me.” He smiled softly.

“Owen?” Curt stared. The story was true, he remembered it too. “But… You’re dead.”   
“Yeah.” Owen was still smiling. “There are rules for these things, Curt, but I’m out of time. See you at the solstice.”   
“What? Owen?” But he was gone.


	2. December 21st

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another conversation, that really doesn't illuminate much

It was the solstice, and Curt had returned to Owen’s grave. He’d all but convinced himself he’d imagined the ghost he’d seen, imagined what he’d said. But he wanted to go around Christmas, anyway, so there he was.

He put a wreath on the grave. “Merry Christmas.”   
“Merry Christmas.” Once again, Owen was perched on the headstone. He didn’t leave any marks in the snow, Curt noted. “I didn’t think you’d come.”   
Curt shrugged. “I wanted to leave a wreath.” He gestured to it. “I still think I’m dreaming.”

“I’ll take it. Listen, Curt, I don’t have much time, and this is important. There are things I’ve never told you, things I should have, and you have those things too. This is the moment, love.”

“I don’t… No.” Curt took several steps backwards, almost stumbling over a headstone; not Owen’s, the one next to it. “No.”   
“Curt, I can only be here for two minutes, and…” Owen looked at the belfry again. “Shit. I just wanted to tell you I still love you.” He reached out a hand. "At least, that was the most important thing. I just wanted to tell you… I wish I could hold you."

"I wish that too." Curt looked at Owen's outstretched hand, but didn't take it. "But you're dead. I killed you, I shot you, I watched you fall, I took your pulse, I buried you. This isn't real."

"Oh Curt." Owen smiled sadly. "I wish it weren't." And with that, he was gone.

Curt stared at the empty space he had vacated, not as much as a footprint left in the snow.


	3. March 21st

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are revealed

Owen had mentioned the solstice, back at Halloween, so Curt was banking on equinoxes working too. Or maybe he just hadn’t visited his partner’s grave in three months.

Spring was starting, but the flowers planted in the center pathway of the cemetery weren’t blooming yet. Curt had brought a bouquet of wildflowers to leave on the grave.

“Right.” He knelt down. “I’m sure I dreamt you up the other times, but here we are. I just wanted to tell you… That I still love you, too.”   
“I just wanted to tell you that I’m proud of you.” Owen was already almost standing when Curt glanced at the headstone. “I just wanted to tell you that I wish things could’ve gone differently.”

Curt nodded. He had almost accepted that whatever this was, it was happening. “I just wanted to tell you that I’m not sorry.”

Owen looked away. “I just wanted to tell you that you shouldn’t be.” Then he smiled softly at Curt. “That wasn’t on my list. I don’t mind waiting if you promise you’ll come back.”   
“Next solstice.” Curt nodded. “I still don’t understand.”   
“Of course you don’t.” Owen sat on his headstone again. “Ghosts need to move on. I need to tell you all the things I haven’t, and you need to tell me yours, too. So… I just wanted to tell you that—” He looked away. “Maybe next time.”

Curt knelt in front of the grave, looking at the headstone rather than at Owen. “I just wanted to tell you that I wasn’t actually at work that time you wanted me to come spend Christmas.” He was almost whispering.

Owen got off the headstone and knelt down next to Curt. “Where were you then.”

A long silence. Curt still didn’t look at Owen. He knew Owen was dead, that he wouldn’t have consequences, but he still felt bad. “I went to my mother’s. I do every year, still. I didn’t want to break tradition, but I didn’t know how to tell you that.”   
“That’s alright.”   
There was a few more moments of silence between them; when Curt looked up again, Owen was gone.


	4. June 21st

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secrets and confessions

Now, the fourth time, Curt felt a little more comfortable showing up at Owen's grave and just talking. He still left a bouquet of flowers, though. "I just wanted to tell you that I've always hated that jacket you always wore." He had his back to the headstone.

"I just wanted to tell you that I always forgot to send the letters I wrote for you," came Owen's voice from behind him.

Curt turned to look at him. "I just wanted to tell you that I thought you were an idiot the first time I met you."

Owen sighed deeply and averted his eyes. "I just wanted to tell you that I cheated on you."

That took Curt by surprise. "What?"

"Not… Well. I would say 'not really' but I don't think that's appropriate." Owen looked back up at Curt with a small smile. "You were so far away all the time, and even when I remembered to send the letters, it would sometimes take you two months to reply, and I suppose it was because of work, but I'm afraid I'm not a patient man." His voice was soft, almost matter-of-fact, but his smile was frail. "I loved you, truly, I still do, but there were habits I didn't drop and bars I kept frequenting."

"Oh." Curt took a deep breath. "I just wanted to tell you that… I forgive you." Because there was nothing else to do. Had Owen still been alive, he wasn't so sure he would have. "And I just wanted to tell you that I don't think it could've been any different."

"I just wanted to tell you that I don't regret what I did." Owen drummed a tattoo on his knee. “Those were the bad things. Well, the worst things.” He was still sitting on the headstone, feet just barely touching the flowers Curt had left on the grave. "I just wanted to tell you that, when I first met you, you were the most arrogant man I'd ever met, and I promised myself I'd never work with you again."

That got a small chuckle from Curt. "I just wanted to tell you that I wish I'd kissed you sooner."

"I wish you had, too."

Curt just had time to see Owen smile before he vanished.


	5. September 21st

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goodbye

It was almost becoming a habit, this quarterly visit to the cemetery. Curt placed the flowers down and waited.

A minute passed, then another. No Owen. "I just wanted to tell you that I wished I'd introduced you to my mother."

"Now that, I can't believe." Owen was smiling. "It's almost over, now. Do you have more you need to say?"

Curt shook his head. "No. I just wanted to tell you that I love you."

Owen's smile softened. "I love you too." He looked at the clock. "I only have one thing left, so before then… I just wanted to tell you that I miss you, and I'm happy we've gotten this time together, to say goodbye."

"Me too." Curt reached a hand out for Owen. "I wish things had happened differently, but I don't think they could have. I'm happy we're friends again."

Owen nodded. "Friends." He stood up to face Curt. "I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"Everything." Owen put his hands out, passing through Curt's cheeks. He didn't feel anything. "I have to leave now."

"When will I see you again. Halloween?" Curt hoped so. He'd come to terms with never seeing Owen again, initially, but he liked their talks.

"No." Owen slowly shook his head. "You'll never see me again. These were all the things I didn't tell you." He disappeared.

Curt stayed at the grave, crying, until darkness fell and he had to go home.


End file.
